I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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