They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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