I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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