I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
