I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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