margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize