don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
