life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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