I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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