I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
