She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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