saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
