Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
