I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she smelled like a LAN party
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
