dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
