Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
