I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store