Dual....:-)
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
