I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
