So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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