i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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