last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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