where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
