There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
