he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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