I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
