I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
