I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
