I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
