bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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