my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
