I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
