I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
