then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
