I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw