Me too!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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