People in love make me want to vomit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.