glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked