yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.