she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.