just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?