Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!