I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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