2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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