shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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