woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I AM VODKA MAN
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
