and you said cock pushups were impossible
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
