All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
