I can't watch pbs sober anymore
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
