I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
