he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
