I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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