Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
