ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
