It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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