Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
