im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Vodka?
Forever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
