so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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