Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
