Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
