when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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