The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
