We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
