I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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