:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
