as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
