My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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