Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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