R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
