I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
