I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
