Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
