I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
